The Whole Story…

Well, the last post didn’t really tell the story of how we got to this point:: trying to get pregnant.
I want you all to know I’m on the upside of this roller-coaster emotional year, and we’re nearing
the end of the track. I feel like maybe I left you all feeling like I was feeling discouraged the other
day–I just needed to work out all that was going on inside of my head.
So, here goes…

January.
Nearly four days late.
On the road to Texas to visit my sister who was interning with Touched by Grace.
Terrified, all I could think about was the possibility that I might be pregnant.
I had my fingers in my ears trying to tune God out…
All I could hear was Him saying “I’m redeeming September.”
(For those of you who don’t know me very well, I’ve disliked September for as long as I can remember.
There always seems to be something that happens that pulls up old hurts and pains from a deep well.
Inconveniences, judgmental looks, and backhanded complements seem to be unlimited to me during
that one month.)
So for God to say to me that He is going to redeem September is a huge deal.
I assumed that it meant that (if pregnant) I would be giving birth in September.
Assuming simply leads to not seeing the whole picture, and that became very clear when my “monthly”
decided to make a tardy appearance. Strangely I found myself quite disappointed. Doing like I usually
do, I kept my mouth shut and didn’t express to anyone my frustration. I didn’t understand what I was
hearing God say, and I didn’t want to talk to Him about it at the time. I avoided all the small children
on the “land” (the ministry’s property) because I didn’t want to think about it. (This is a little hard to do
by the way…ha! All of their children are so sweet, and so quick to run in the room to say hi!) While I was
out there I had multiple people ask me out of the blue when Jason and I were going to have kids. At this
point, we had only been married for about 7 months, and we wanted to wait at least a year-even though
we both love kids and wanted a family very much.
Over those few days being there, God began to speak very clearly through everyone around me that it
was time to begin down this road, all of them being unaware of what was going on.

So, I talked to Jason (after working it all out in my head while talking to mom all the way home from Texas)
and he was thrilled, and almost as scared as me, although if you didn’t know him-you would have had no idea.

Here’s the catch: since I was a kid-I’ve had this strange thing where I knew I would have twins. Two. Dos.
When I was in Zambia, Africa a few years back, I even had the pastor’s wife of the church we were currently in
(while holding her twin boys on each of her hips) ask me if I knew I was going to have twins. I laughed and said
“strangely, yes.”
Then a few months ago, I began to doubt this for a time-and I was in service at Touched by Grace where I had
Rodney pray for me and in the process he asked me if I was ready for my two kids. I actually laughed out loud
and said, yes!
I fully believe they are twins, a boy and a girl. They’re not here yet, but I feel like I know them.
Samuel and Jayden.
I’ve known their names for years now, honestly. I’ve never been one of those girls who decided their kids names
when they were in elementary school, and planned every detail of their life out. It’s a God thing that I know
their names now. I know their middle names, but I will not share those with everyone yet–I feel like they speak
of their identities and callings, and I’m not willing to let that be tainted by anyone’s opinions. Not that their first
names don’t speak of that to some degree…

So, we’ve been trying — and I kept hearing May (which is my favorite of all the months, probably because my
birthday is the 24th and our anniversary is on the 23rd and our dog was born during that same week).
Well, May came and went… and I was having such a hard time. It was definitely the lowest point on this
long long roller-coaster.

Again, assuming leads to not seeing the whole picture.

We’re praying that we see whole picture.

God has given me a promise,
and unlike earthly fathers,
He doesn’t break those.

1 Samuel 1:27
“I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked for him.”

Writing in faith,
Ashley.

For those onesies:: AidensMom37 on Etsy.com

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Comments
4 Responses to “The Whole Story…”
  1. Jason says:

    I have a strange slightly goofy smile on my face right now, that says more than anything I can think of saying. πŸ™‚

  2. Stephanie (mom) says:

    Well I have now read this and I laugh for a multitude of reasons! One is wow this is such a shorten “whole” story! LOL But then again the “whole” story whould be WAY too long!!!
    Another is how cute it is that you say you did not express your frustation to anyone. Maybe not in words but those of us close to you KNEW something was wrong because we know you! πŸ™‚
    There are more things that made me laugh but I won’t add them here.
    I am so excited for all that you have been through and how much you have learned through this! I love you and am soooooo proud you! I cannot wait to have grandbabies as I will love them with my whole heart!! Like I love you and Jason but squishier πŸ™‚

    • πŸ˜€ Yeah, I started writing the whole story–and then after about 30 minutes, I decided that was going to take FOREVER and would be so much, no one would want to read! Ha ha!
      I feel like I’m learning something new from this whole situation every day. I’ve learned so much this last year, but there’s so much left for me to learn still…

      You make me smile!
      I love that you say that–haha “Like I love you and Jason but squishier” ! That’s ridiculously adorable!

      I love you Mamma!

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