He Loves Me

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I want to officially apologize to everyone for my temper tantrum yesterday.There was a way and
an order that I could’ve shared my feelings with the world-but that wasn’t the best way. I resorted
back to the way I acted as an angry teenager instead of a healed grown woman.

Now, I’m not saying my feelings were wrong and I’m not even saying I shouldn’t have shared, but
I should have talked to those I trust first. Those people who love me everyday…

Yesterday–after posting my angry “verbal diarrhea” post, I talked to my mom and she helped me
to understand that it’s not wrong for me to have feelings about this whole issue. Somehow I had it
in my head that since God showed me a little bit of His plans for my life that I wasn’t allowed to be
upset when I wasn’t seeing it come to fruition. I thought it would just come across as impatience
and immaturity. I don’t know where I got this idea… and it’s the reason I tell everyone I am fine
while on the inside I look like Jello sitting in the sunshine. I seriously thought that God might be
upset with me if I was unhappy with His timing. I don’t know how I forget that God is, in fact, GOD.
My feelings aren’t what turn His face to me–it’s my heart. (Yes, those are two very very different
things people!) He made us emotional beings and He is never shocked at our feelings. He knows
that we’re going to feel them before we even have them bubblinng up into our knowledge. So the
fact that I thought that my feelings would somehow upset God is crazy! He knows my heart, and
knows I love Him more than having babies. He knows that the true reason I want babies in the
first place is because that’s who He created me to be. Of course I’m going to be upset or
dissapointed when things don’t go quite like I hoped or when I hoped. It’s insane for me to think I’d
feel any different.

So, if you’re reading this–and you have feelings about your life and how it’s going right now–that’s
okay. Talk to God about it and talk to your loved ones about it. Don’t hold it all in thinking you have
to put your “church face”. And if for some reason you don’t have anyone who understands that it’s
okay for you to be upset, message me and I’ll talk to you about it. We’ve got to stop shutting the
rest of the Body out. (and trust me–I’ve been the worst of them all!)

Thank you for all the encouraging words and even more for the prayers.

It’s been a year and four months, and even if it takes another year-I’ll be okay, because God’s
got me. And I’m sure when I finally become pregnant-it’ll feel like no time has passed and none
of this will hurt anymore. Yes, I may have days where I’m pitching a fit-and when I do-feel free
to tell me to stop it. Seriously, do it. Remind me that I know that God knows what He is doing
and that He’s doing this for my good. Tell me it’s okay to have my feelings about it-but that I
can’t forget who God truly is. He’s not out to get me. He’s not trying to make my life difficult. He
works all things for my good.

And that above all else — He loves me.

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Comments
3 Responses to “He Loves Me”
  1. Stephanie (mom) says:

    WOW now there’s my girl!!
    Keep calm the Lord will fight for you! that is my favorite!!!

  2. Karen Walker says:

    IN HIS TIME, BECAUSE HIS TIME IS THE PERFECT TIME. WE TRIED 6 YEARS FOR ONE OF OURS. I HAVE FRIENDS WHO TRIED 7 OR 12 OR MORE. NOT TO SAY IT WILL BE THAT LONG FOR YOU, BUT IT WILL BE IN THE RIGHT TIME. MY BEST ADVICE AND DRS WILL TELL YOU…STOP THINKING AND WORRYING ABOUT IT EVERY TIME OR EVERY MONTH. THAT CAUSES STRESS TO YOUR BODY AND CAN HINDER NATURAL PROCESSES. JUST FORGET ABOUT IT AND RELAX. HAVE SOME ROMANTIC EVENINGS AND JUST DON’T THINK ABOUT ANYTHING COMING OF IT. SURE, DO THE THINGS YOU CAN TO INCREASE YOUR CHANCES AND SEE THE DR FOR CHECKS TO BOTH OF YOU TO MAKE SURE ALL IS WORKING WELL, BUT JUST REEEEELAX AND LET GOD WORK. IT IS OFTEN WHEN WE DO THAT, WE BECOME PREGNANT WHEN WE LEAST EXPECT IT.

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