Baby Feet, the Crazies, and French Fries

So, you guys… I decided to write here today. I swear, I’ve got to be the most inconsistent blogger out there! heehee Especially after staying very consistent until we moved to a new home. This does not go to say that I don’t write still—I just don’t post it all here. Some things I just don’t want to share publicly -mostly just crazy “pregnancy dreams”. Really, I’ve had some weird ones.

You can thank this little munchkin growing in my belly for this rare post. He has inspired me today… much like the idea of him has inspired many posts before he got here.

Surely he’s going to be such a cuddle monster when he finally “arrives.” If I leave my hand on my belly or rest my arm against it for any length of time, it’s like he cuddles up to it. It’s gotten strong enough that it’ll begin to cause my belly to change shape while he leans against me. And as much as he has no real concept of love outside of need right now, it makes me feel that he loves me back. Oh yes, I’ve fallen head over heels stupid in love over this little guy that isn’t even here yet. I can’t imagine how I’ll feel the moment I get to see his sweet little squished up face and kiss every one of his fingers and toes… that moment when I get to introduce myself to him as his Mamma and promise to love him with a deeper love than I’ve ever experienced before. I really cannot wait until he gets here, but of course I am going to. 9 weeks and 4 days left until I’m even due to meet him and I’m already this crazy!
Just a while ago he pressed his foot against my side for a while and I could see the basic shape of it and I could barely contain myself. This funny lump on my side made me more excited than I think I’ve ever been. Strangely enough, when I began to play with it and talk to him – his response made me cry. It’s not that he did something amazing. He just pulled his foot back close to his body and then kicked me a few times until (of course) he got the hiccups. (Which might I say, he get’s ALL THE TIME! It was incredibly cute the first couple… but when it goes on for a half hour-it’s almost as bad as having them yourself. haha) I can’t say exactly why it made me cry… maybe it’s just because he responded at all – and that says he’s healthy, maybe it’s because I’m just hormonal and will cry at anything right now, or maybe it’s because he’s so presently real and yet I cannot see him. I’m not really sure. Maybe all of the above!
This pregnancy has made me understand deeper our relationship with God and how Jesus tells us to abide in Him and He in us. (John 5:56) To literally live IN Him. To make Him our dwelling place. And HE would make US His dwelling place. This little man I’ve got inside of me is doing just that. His whole being is inside of me-and all His needs are taken care of – his nutrition, his oxygen, a warm place to sleep, to play, and to live. He wants for nothing, and anything he needed I’d do everything in my power to work it out. And yet, I am in him. It’s my blood that courses through his tiny veins and through his strong heart. It’s half of my own dna that makes up who he is. His life source is me. Welcome, Ashley, to the first really scary thing about parenthood. And maybe to some, that is not scary at all – but to me, that carries such weight, such responsibility, that I would do anything to protect and everything in my power to do this right.
Our relationship with God is like this. If we just rest in Him and make Him our dwelling place, we’ll never have want for anything. And yet, it’s Jesus’ blood that courses though our veins – we have the very DNA of God in us. That changed when we became new in Him. New creatures. We were grafted in. We died with Him and rose with Him. We are in Him and He is in us. And He loves us with a love so deep we need an entire eternity to even begin to comprehend. He knew us before He formed us. We were made in His image. We are his children and He is a good father. And because He “birthed” us – that would make Him like our mother too. I know that sounds weird to some of you – and I’m not trying to say God is female. haha God is truly neither. But in order for us to be made in His image (both man and woman), that means He has both attributes. He is solid and loving, hardworking, and strong. He gives us an inheritance, a purpose, and an identity. He is Father. Ah, but He is also nurturing, shelters us under His wing like a good mother hen does for her chicks, He makes sure our needs are taken care of, loves us like no one else, and if the enemy messes with us – He’ll flat out take him out. Sounds a lot like a Mother to me. :]
In reality He is all. I mean, even in scripture – He’s pretty clear about it. “I am.” Simple as that.
I know, I’ve gone off on a little rabbit trail-but that’s alright.
God is just amazing.

In other news, I have what I’m calling “the crazies.” My Mamma calls it “nesting”. Haha, nesting sounds so much sweeter-but there is nothing sweet about wanting to clean your oven. I’ve never in my life once wanted to clean an oven. Especially one that is very clean already. When I really think about nesting and birds though–this is the first time in my life I can honestly say I don’t want to be a bird. (Yes, I’ve wanted to be a bird my whole life. They get to fly, they live in trees and tiny sweet houses that people just provide for them, they have beautiful voices that bring joy, they have feathers, they get to fly south for the winter, and people just give them french fries because they’re cute. Sounds like the life to me.) But thinking about how birds “nest” makes me change my mind. I’ve always thought about how it was sweet that both the male and female get tiny pieces of stuff and build something out of it to place their eggs and live for a time. Sounds pretty sweet still. But when I think about the mechanics of that – I change my mind completely. They fly around frantically picking up tiny pieces of leaves, sticks, pine needles, hair, and trash. As they pick up one (maybe two) pieces, they fly back to where they want the nest, put the piece where they deem fit and fly out to get another. Now, think about what a nest looks like. When you pick it up, it doesn’t automatically fall apart. That’s because some birds wove that dang thing together with tiny pieces of trash. One piece of trash by one piece of trash. Sounds a lot like “the crazies” to me. But hey, at least now I have something in common with the birds. Well, two things… “the crazies” and a deep love for french fries.

(Little update on the Barrett Baby : Baby kicked me the other day! I cried like a little girl and it was awesome. heehee I am beyond excited and cannot wait to meet this little mini Sierra/David. Sierra is half-way done!)


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