A Full Heart

My sweet Isaac,

I have looked forward to our lives with you for so long. There was a lot of blood,
sweat, and tears that took to get you here. In fact, that should be tears, sweat, and
then blood. We worked and worked and cried many times over our long journey
in “creating” you. It felt very very long, but I know that in many other cases it’s
much longer. A year and a half, and I had given up. In fact, I said to your Nonie
that I didn’t even expect to get pregnant anymore – and I really meant it. I had
stopped looking for the tale tale “signs”. Little did I know… you were already with
me!
I got to watch my belly grow and eagerly feel all of your movements – every one
making me fall more deeply in love with you. Then, you were born. And along
with you coming into my life so did a great love I’d never had before. Now, I
didn’t just have a deep love for you – but for all the women in the world. The
ability to grow, bare a child, and then nurture it with her own body (and all the
struggles and pain it takes to do that) is incredible. I am so glad I have learned
this now – so that you will understand that too. Women are amazing! Also, so is
your dad! He’s pretty much the greatest guy out there, and I look forward to
seeing you grow up to be a wonderful man like him.
Speaking of amazing. You need to know that you, in fact, are amazing. I am in
awe of you all of the time. You can’t even have a conversation (in english!) with
me yet, and you’ve already taught me so much. When you smile my whole
world is made of sunshine; and when you laugh I feel like I’ve never done
anything so  perfect in my whole life. When I look at your little feet, and see
my own toes (except only much tinier!) wiggling back at me – I love myself a
little more. You have taught me my great worth – and for that, I am eternally
thankful. It’s because of you that I know that I, in fact, am perfect too. Just the
way that I am. Even the times I get upset because none of my clothes fit me
anymore – I know that I am perfect. It’s this body that brought you into the
world. It’s the only body I will ever have – and if never see my abs again, I’ll
be okay with that because I have you.
I don’t have the words to express how much I love you. My heart is so full
all of the time; even when I’m exhausted and I want to put you in your crib and
leave the room for a vacation. Don’t be surprised if I cry every time you do
something cool – the first time you crawl, eat, walk, and when you get older:
games, practices, recitals, plays, making home videos, graduation. It’s not just
because I’ve become a sap; it’s just that my heart is so full that it overflows.

I pray that everything you want out of life – you are blessed with and that one
day that your heart is just this full. I want you to never doubt that I love you
and only want what is best for you. Also, know that I’ve always got your back
and will be your biggest advocate and cheerleader.
You’re perfect. You’re amazing. You really are my sunshine.
I love you, my silly Hammy.

Love,
your Mamma

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